fault lines

have you ever felt like
the ground beneath you has been pulled from underneath?
you try to grip
but the grip loses you
so you reconstruct your earth
borrowing from a little here and a little there
burrowing a little here and a little there
you lay the pieces back
clumsily, anxiously
trepidation mostly
build, just build again
you tell yourself
brick by brick
day by day
sometimes you console yourself
it's better to be a free agent
it's ok to retreat into retreat
still—clumsily, anxiously
you throw punctuations out of the window
verbs don't show up very often anymore
and you're left with a conjunction
when lucky–a preposition
but never a sentence
never a sentence
you feel like a fraud
and then you believe you're a fraud
and then you look around and think
they are frauds
how can i be a fraud?
then you realise how dangerous that thought is
and how miserable it can leave you
so you think i am a fraud
and then you start not thinking
but the heart still pumps
and the lump still stays
and little by little
you continue to try to keep your earth together
and wish and hope someone or something will glue it back for you