the gut is never wrong

it's funny how one's adoration and respect for a person can go from hearts in your eyes to mere shreds of nothing upon certain realisations. not highly contrasting matters, like 'he's a pleasant man' to 'he's a crook', but subtle amplifications of certain traits you previously failed to really register, that have suddenly become so so overt and painful to bear.

narcissism is perhaps one of the traits i detest most. sure, perhaps we are all secretly narcissistic to some extent. but to be so fully unaware of your own narcissistic ways, talk about eating humble pie, and then try to turn every conversation about yourself, is just simply the worst and most potent concoction of all things wrong.

i have been doing my gut a disfavour all this while. the gut is always right. and by casting that aside, ignoring it in hopes of something good to happen to prove to yourself that, yes just sweep that gut aside, do the rationale thing for your betterment, is just evil and a disservice to yourself.

so yes, perhaps my middle-of-year resolution is to really trust the gut, and not only trust, because we all do actually trust it, but to have the courage to act upon it.

fuck, sometimes i don't know if these people problems are wholly unnecessary problems for myself.