25/11
discard whatever staid notions of what you know or think you know and then maybe,
you will really know.
it probably is alot easier said than done, but i think the act or attempt is potentially noble.
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i dont believe in white lies, lies that are suppossedly 'necessary' to diminish any negativity or hurt it may inflict upon a person. i think the guilt felt after telling that lie would be tenfold that of if the facts were presented.
the white lie is the biggest lie of all-
a lie trying to mask itself in the pretense of something else
a parody of itself i suppose
so what happens when the white lie is exposed?
you have to remedy two wrongs instead of one
how nice
and unnecessary.
(maybe thats why i always cannot bear to sit thru soppy dramas where the plot revolves around characters trying to hide something and all that tension and anxiety created of having the other party find out and shit.)
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28/11
he said he lives by- "its nice to be important, but its important to be nice."
i said i hate the word 'nice'.
he asked me about my goals in life
i said i resisted thinking about the future.
these days, i find myself fond of upsetting equilibriums.
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2/12
" we do not grow absolutely chronologically. we grow sometimes in one dimension and not in another evenly. we grow partially. we are relative. we are mature in one realm, childish in another. the past, present and future mingle and pull us backward, forward or fix us in the present. we are made up of layers of cells, constellations."
- anais nin
watched 'an education'. great film.
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3/12
18:30
me: take your time, i might be late
A: typical. time is relative to you anyway.
00:30
A: sigh, i am in a constant losing battle with time. despite its relativity, it still impacts me. it slips away so fast. the prosaic and mundane feels forever and pleasure seems to fleet by quickly.
me: its always the case, isnt it? the concept of time is abstract and enigmatic, so much so it scares me- just like death does.
its like we are cruising along this void one-directionally, not by choice but because it just happens, inexplicably (to me at least)- until it eventuates in death.
i have never really given much thought to permanence anyway.
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4/12
any meaningful relationship ought to be a love-hate one, at least the way i see it.
how many parts the former, how many the latter is up for debate. more love than hate most definitely so.
i would like to think of 'love' and 'hate' as two sides of a hand, or coin- inseperable and necessary parts of a whole.
you love because you know what is hate
you hate because you know how to love
simply, they are born out of each other..
with the lines seperating them very delicate in some instances.
to me, hearing someone say he/she loves another wholeheartedly, fully, with no qualms or displeasures or hates is hypocritical.
i question your love if you have no hate.
dont be afraid to hate something
dont be eager to suppress you hates
i am not asking you to be a hater, i just think we should not overlook 'hate' and only revere 'love', placing it on a pedestal- blindly, stupidly.
thats all.
{these are but entirely self-opinionated and biased,
feel free to disagree with everything}
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